Addiction & Co-dependency
The consumption of substances or the intense engagement in certain behaviours can serve various functions in life. For many people, it begins with the experience of joy, a noticeable ease in social settings, or a moment of relaxation and reward. It is the experience that something helps to enjoy the present moment, to strike up conversations with others more easily, or to leave the stress of daily life behind for a while.
Over time, however, this experience can alter. What began as a voluntary choice for greater lightness or sociability can, in the further course of events, feel more like an internal compulsion. Those affected describe how daily life gradually organises itself around this one substance or behaviour. A noticeable internal conflict arises: on the one hand, there is the desire to remain in control, whilst on the other hand, the craving dictates the pace of life. This feeling of no longer being entirely in control is often accompanied by a withdrawal from hobbies or key attachment figures, and by the experience of being increasingly left to face this situation alone.
The experience of dependency: forms, signs, and paths to withdrawal
What types of addiction are there?
Addiction disorders present a multi-faceted picture, yet they can be summarily divided into two categories that can fluidly merge into one another:
Substance-Related Dependencies: This involves the consumption of substances that act directly within the body. These include stimulants such as alcohol and nicotine, various medications (such as sleeping pills, sedatives, or painkillers), as well as plant-based and synthetic substances (such as cannabis, cocaine, or chemical compounds).
Behavioural Dependencies (Non-Substance-Related Addictions): Here, no physical substance takes centre stage; rather, a specific activity does. This category includes gambling addiction and excessive computer game use. Furthermore, smartphone, internet, and social media addiction (often referred to as media addiction) play an increasingly significant role in daily life. When constant scrolling, chatting, or checking the screen consumes many hours of the day and displaces real life, it is experienced by those affected with the exact same intensity and restrictiveness as a chemical dependency. Uncontrollable buying or sexual behaviour also falls into this domain.
What are the first signs of an addiction disorder, and at what point is one considered addicted?
In contemporary medicine and psychotherapy, anchored in the current diagnostic system ICD-11 under the term Somatic Symptom Disorder, the understanding of psychosomatics has shifted. For clinical classification, it is irrelevant whether an organic cause is present or not. The decisive factor is the measurable interplay of neurobiological processes:
Disruption of Central Stimulus Filtering
The brain and spinal cord possess a filtering system that sorts out continuous bodily signals (such as organ movements or muscle tone) before they reach conscious awareness. Under prolonged psychological strain, this filter can become permeable. The organism responds with heightened sensitivity (somatosensory amplification), meaning that normal bodily functions are mistakenly interpreted as intense pain or an acute disorder.
Failure of the Body's Own Pain Inhibition
In a healthy state, the brain sends signals down through descending pain-inhibitory pathways to the spinal cord in order to suppress or weaken incoming pain stimuli. In Somatic Symptom Disorder, this internal pain brake is demonstrably blocked, allowing stimuli to pass unobstructed to the brain.
Autonomic Dysregulation of the Vegetative Nervous System
Chronic stress, emotional overload, or unresolved conflicts can lead to a permanent activation of the sympathetic nervous system (the body's internal alarm axis). The continuous release of stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline alters blood flow to organs, increases muscle tension (particularly in the neck, shoulder, and jaw area), and leads to functional disruptions in the gastrointestinal tract and cardiovascular system.
Neural Consolidation (Pain Memory)
The longer physical complaints persist, the deeper they imprint into neurobiological memory. The synaptic connections within the brain alter permanently. The nervous system learns to transmit pain faster, more independently, and more intensely, even if an original physical trigger has long subsided or completely healed. This functional consolidation subsequently leads to a permanent chronification of the complaints.
What does the withdrawal process look like?
Breaking free from a dependency is a deeply personal and challenging process. This journey is typically divided into four consecutive phases. However, since the nature of various addictions differs significantly, this process takes a different shape depending on the substance or behaviour involved:
The Contact and Motivation Phase
This phase takes place within daily life and focuses on making a lasting decision to adopt a different pattern of consumption. It begins with the initial admission to oneself that the consumption or behaviour is causing problems. The focus during this period is on reducing feelings of shame, preparing for withdrawal, and developing a genuine desire to break free from the dependency.
The Detoxification and Withdrawal Phase
Here, the path diverges depending on the type of addiction:
Alcohol and Medication
Since abrupt cessation can trigger life-threatening physical reactions (such as delirium tremens), this step (medical detox) takes place on an inpatient basis in a hospital under medical and pharmacological supervision.
Cannabis and Other Substances
Here, the primary focus is usually not on acute physical danger, but rather on enduring intense psychological symptoms such as severe restlessness, sleep disturbances, or intense cravings. Depending on the severity, this can also be managed on an outpatient basis with therapeutic support.
Behavioural Addictions (e.g., Smartphone or Media Addiction)
Since it is often impossible to completely "abstain" from a smartphone for the rest of one's life in modern society, this phase involves a resolute, temporary period of media abstinence (digital detox) under therapeutic guidance. The goal is to calm the overstimulated reward system in the brain and break the autopilot habit of constantly reaching for the screen.
The Rehabilitation and Emotional Processing Phase
Once the first acute phase of abstinence has been achieved, the actual core therapeutic work begins for all forms of addiction (either on an outpatient or inpatient basis). Now, the focus is no longer on the substance itself, but on the underlying causes. It explores what function the consumption or behaviour served in life—whether as relief from stress, a bridge for ease in social settings, or a way to numb loneliness. Individuals learn new, healthy coping strategies for daily life.
The Aftercare and Consolidation Phase
Long-term success is decided in daily life once the protective framework of consultancy or therapy is left behind. Aftercare serves to permanently anchor new habits and prevent relapse. This includes reorganising leisure activities as well as participating in self-help groups, which offer those affected a safe and supportive environment.
Addiction within Relationships & Co-dependency
What does co-dependency mean, and how do I recognise it?
An addiction disorder rarely affects only the person consuming. It influences the entire relationship framework, particularly partners, parents, siblings, or close attachment figures. Out of deep affection, worry, and the desire to help, relatives can develop behaviours over time that unnoticed become a heavy burden of their own. This phenomenon is known as co-dependency. In this process, one's own well-being gradually couples itself to the state of the individual suffering from addiction. Daily life and personal experiences are increasingly aligned with the actions of the affected person.
This can manifest through the following experiences:
Taking on Responsibility (Enabling)
One begins to cushion the immediate consequences of consumption for the other person. This can include calling in sick to their employer on their behalf, inventing excuses to third parties, or compensating for financial bottlenecks arising from the addiction.
Mental Preoccupation and Control
One's own thoughts revolve constantly around the other person. Hiding places are searched, bank accounts are checked, the mood upon their arrival home is carefully analysed, or attempts are made to manage situations in such a way that no consumption takes place.
Neglect of Personal Needs
One's own desires, hobbies, rest phases, or personal health care are sidelined. Daily life organises itself almost exclusively around the question of how the other person's day is going and how crises can be prevented.
Feelings of Guilt and Shame
The belief can arise that one bears a shared responsibility for the other's behaviour or is incapable of influencing the situation positively. This frequently leads to feelings of guilt and a gradual withdrawal from the social environment in order to protect the affected person and conceal the situation.
What can I do if my partner or a family member is suffering from an addiction?
In general, the most effective form of help for someone with an addiction is, paradoxically, to stop unconsciously enabling the dependency. Since recovery or change can never be forced against the will or without the active readiness of the affected person, the nature of support shifts:
Refusing to Cushion Consequences
The affected individual should no longer be shielded from the natural consequences of their consumption or behaviour. This means, for example, no longer writing excuses for them or silently taking over household chores that have been neglected due to the addiction. Financial support in the form of cash or paying off addiction-related debts should be consistently refused, as this often unconsciously prolongs the consumption. If necessary, it is far more sensible to pay directly for essential goods (such as groceries) instead.
Strengthening Self-Determination
It is helpful to use "I-statements" to articulate which behaviours will no longer be tolerated within the shared daily life. These boundaries must be maintained consistently and reliably.
Conducting Conversations in Stable Moments
Confrontations or accusations during moments of acute consumption or intoxication rarely lead to insight. It is far more helpful to have calm, objective conversations during sober periods, where your own worries and observations can be shared openly.
Prioritising Personal Self-Care
The most vital task for relatives is to look after their own mental and physical health. Seeking professional support for yourself or allowing yourself to establish boundaries is not a betrayal of the other person; it is the essential prerequisite for remaining stable yourself.
What function does addiction have within relationships and families?
From the perspective of systemic therapy, symptoms attributed to an individual are understood as part of an interplay within relationships. The theme of addiction within relationships can exhibit a specific, circular momentum of its own. A vicious circle emerges, shaped by two addiction-specific characteristics:
1. The Control Paradox
The defining characteristic of an addiction disorder is the theme of control. When the affected person loses control over their consumption or behaviour, relatives unconsciously take over supervision. From this, a recurring loop develops:
Out of worry, relatives monitor, warn, search for hiding places, or compensate for external mistakes to safeguard daily life (proxy control).
For the individual suffering from addiction, however, this permanent surveillance feels like immense pressure, patronisation, or an additional loss of personal control.
To escape this pressure, the shame, or the associated feelings of guilt, the affected person often responds with secretive consumption or defiance.
This, in turn, confirms the family's belief that they must monitor even more closely and suspiciously.
Paradoxically, the relatives' control thus stabilises the very behaviour it is intended to prevent. The well-intentioned solution unnoticed becomes part of the problem.
2. The "Third Party in the Bond"
In many conflicts, disputes revolve directly around the individuals involved. In an addiction, however, an invisible third party enters the relationships: the substance or the addictive behaviour.
The Substance as a Buffer
When tension, unspoken expectations, or anxieties exist between partners, the addictive substance acts as an insulating layer. Conflicts regarding the actual relationship are not addressed; instead, they are replaced by consumption or arguments about consumption.
Organisation Around the Symptom
The entire life of the couple or family organises itself around the addiction (concealing it from the social environment, daily arrangements, crisis management). This bonds the system together in a painful yet intense manner. The addiction becomes the connecting link that overshadows other questions about a shared future.
Psychotherapy & Counselling in Central Munich or Online
From the Loss of Control in Craving to New Paths in Relationships
When intense consumption and its consequences increasingly dictate the relationship with oneself and others, professional support can provide help to gain new perspectives.
The Practice for Psychotherapy (under the German Heilpraktiker Act) and Systemic Counselling in Munich (Innenstadt-Maxvorstadt) provides individuals, couples, and families with a professionally grounded space. Here, the mechanisms of dependency and their impact on relatives are explored to gently dissolve entrenched cycles and develop new, fulfilling paths forward for daily life.
Sophienstraße 5
80333 Munich